True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
