The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
