Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
