you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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