Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
