Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
