I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
