I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
