Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
