i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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