also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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