it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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