The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
