Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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