Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
