i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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