Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
