did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
