tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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