weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
