just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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