you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
