dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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