fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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