rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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