You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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