I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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