so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
