her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
