we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
