After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
