carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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