Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
