Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
