toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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