It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
