I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
