listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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