Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
