Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
