Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
