I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
