Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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