He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
