ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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