I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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