The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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