All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
