mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
