i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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