Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
